I often dream of when the kids get bigger to go and be able to get a job. I dont quite know what I want to do yet but I know that alot of jobs sound fun and interesting. I have thought about being a insurance marketing agent or a Data clerk or a bill collector. I dont know why but these Jobs sound like they would be fun to do.

I dont want a super easy job that is going to bore me to death I want something esciting that will make me want to wake up and go to work. I think I feel so eager to work because I havent had that many jobs in my life but I bet if I worked as hard as others have I might not feel the same way.

I have been so busy that I didnt have time to come and write in here for the new year. We spent the new year at home relaxing and just celebrating it with the family. It was nice and quite for a while till the neighbors started their party. It must have been a nice one because I could smell the scent of cigars coming from their yard.

I love certain scents and some cigars smell nice and black and milds smell nice in my opinion. I know its weird that I like certain scents but I do. Take for instance I like the smell of pinesol yes the floor cleaner.I like to use it because I think it smells good and cleans and disinfects the floors.

Now back to cigars while I dont smoke them I like the smell of them. Something about the smell reminds me of far away places.

While food shopping today I ran into the sister of a friend.  iIt was weird because the day before I had just been thinking about my friend and wondering what had happend to her. Its weird yesterday on myspace I found the daughter of a friend and today i ran into lupe. It’s crazy how my past is coming back to me. I would really love to get back in touch with a few people , so hopefully the stars will align and somehow my path will cross with these certain people that I want to see again

I feel really down I dont know why. I feel like I want to cry but yet I am bottling it all inside. I am sitting here listenign to music to get my mind off of things, when my mind wonders who the heck knows what it might bring. So I will just sit here and think happy thoughts.

Sometimes I feel so lost. I dont really know how to explain it. I feel like an emptyness even though I have family that love me. IT comes and goes and sometimes I am overwelhmed by the feeling and other times it’s like I couldn’t be happier. I wonder if that is a chemical inbalance or depression or what. I have felt that ever since I was young so I dont quite possibly know what to make of it.

I fel really tired today. I spent 9 hours with my sis-in-law at the E.R. She was having chest tightness and since she has asthma it  was best for her to go and get checked out. It was such a busy night there. What boggled me is  that once we got a room which took about 6 hours they left us there for like 2 hours and I sat and watched how alot of the nurses entered info in the computer but didn’t really come and check on us  and who the heck knows where the docter was. There was a girl there who seemed in alot of pain and from what I could hear her paretns had came evryday fro like 5 days because their daughter was in alot of pain and would go into convulsions from the pain but they had sent her home with vicodin and told her to go see her regular practioner. I thought that they are supposed to take care of you before they send you home and if she had been  coming everyday with the same complaint why didn’t they admit her? I really hope they admitted her last night. I also hope htey gave her relief. She was and is in my thoughts and prayers.

How does one heal a broken heart ? what does one say to someone who is feeling loss, sorrow, anger , frustration. Many times I wish I could hug and offer my shoulder for them to cry on and I offer my undying understanding but that isn’t enough and I often stumble in my words or dont get my point across. It’s not that I lack emotion I am a very emotional person it’s that I sometimes dont know how to express them maybe?