myramblingthoughtsMy Ideas, my thoughts, my everything

I was watching an episode of House and in the episode there is an overweight girl who is having problems and allergic reactions and as they are trying to find out what it is wrong with her they find out she is taking diet pills . At first a little friend says that the mom is giving them to her which shocks me to no end but then we find out the little girl lied. In the end they find out she has a tumor and before the show ends you can see her way thinner which is good.

At first I thought what a good episode but the more I think about the episode the more it bothers me . I dont know if it is because of my own feeling about being overweight or what. I dont know why that particular episode got to me . I think I sometimes overthink things but hey that is what I do best.That is why I picked this place to write down all my random ramblingthoughts.

I have a huge secret but I dont know if I am ready to tell the world. I am still stunned by it and I dont think I have fully taken it in. Goodness gracious I am in shock .

In other news I finally found the family organizer I was looking for. Barnes and noble finally put it out . I had been visiting the store at least once a week for it so I am happy they finally got it in stock. I got Ashley some kind of trivia book that she has been wanting and I also signed upfor their rewards card.

I am going to be buying my best friend a few items from there so I figured I might as well pay for the card and save some money on the discounts you get with it.

Plus I want to get a few journals too. I need to write down my thoughts and poems. I want it by my bedside in case an Idea pops up I can jot it down.

I have a hard time losing weight. Mostly because I have no self control when it comes to eating. It makes me upset that I have let myself gain so much weight. WHat is even worse if that i have considered getting cheap Phentermine pills to help me lose the weight.

I know I have to start watching what I eat first of all but it is so hard fro me to say no to the foods I like and I like alot of food. I especially like to stuff myself during the holidays. I am going to try and eat less than I usually do but it is going to be super hard.

I dont like to talk about it much well because it breaks my heart everytime I think about it. I miss my mom like crazy. I wish she was here with me. There are so many things we didn’t get to do because we disagreed to much but now they seem irrelevent and now that I am a mother I realize that she was only trying to protect me.

Why didn’t I appreciate all the time I had with her? I guess one never knows how long your mother is going to be around. I just wish I had more time to spend with her. I wish she could see my children and how much they have grown.

I am trying to enjoy the holidays but I am reminded so often by the loss of her and my grandmother. Every year I put on a brave face but inside my heart breaks and mourns for them.

I am so afraid of driving that even in my subconcious state I have stuff happening to me while driving.
Last night I was dreaming that I had taken the car to get checked over and make sure it was in good driving condition before I would even get in it.

The car dealer guy told em that everything was in good shape and that I could drive the car. So I start driving and as I am driving the car starts to fall apart piece by piece. I am in hysterics and calling the dealership I just left and the guy shows up and tells me that the car fell about because some of the Ball bearings werent put on right.

I tell him that I had just left and he was the one that told me that everything was alright and he says in a weird wicked tone ” that’s cause I wanted to make sure you would ge the car fixed here ” then I woke up shaking like crazy. EEEEEKKKKK that dream scared the crap outta me even though I know it isn’t real and it just adds to my anxiety even more

I think I am going to pursue the whole child support thing more vigourously. I have let it slide for some time but I think my kids deserve all they can get. Even if it means for me to go to the courthouse and request that they establish some kind of child support that is current and countinious not the 5 or 10 dollar checks that I get once every so many years!!

Every so often I get upset at the fact that the girls dad doesnt care to take care of his responsibility. I have asked him that if he doesn’t care to take care of the kids for him to give up his parental right so that my husband can adopt them legally and take full resposibility. He already takes care of them ad has been a better dad than the person who made them.

I really dont understand men sometimes. How can they have a kid and just disappear or not be financially responsible. To make matters worse everytime that the state finds out he is working he quits his job just so he doesn’t have to pay child support. What kind of man does that?

I am so happy that I found a man who loves me and my children and would give us te world if he could.

I have been thinking about starting my own business. I just am not sure what I could start it in. I have thought about making candles and selling them or journals I love journals. I have thought of making jewelry too.

I just love the Idea of starting my own business. Something I can do on my spare time or at home where I dont have to be away from the children alot. I know that it might be hard to start a business and get the word out but their are alot of ways to promote your business . The best ways I have seen are the promotional pens I like to collect . I know that if I started my own business that is one of the promotional items I would use. Everyone uses pens and I am constantly losing mine because the kids take it. Plus online is a great way to get the word out.

I might give it some more thought but that is one of the things I think about. I think that starting a family business would be great I just need to find the right business to get into.

We had family night and rented movies and just chilled. The kids brought their blankets and pillows and made themselves a bed on the living room floor. We rented Indiana Jones and the kingdom of the crystal skulls, Dont mess with the Zohan and some movie called The visitor. 

I liked the Indiana movie alot I think I might go and buy it to put in our movie collection. My kids can’t wait till Wall-E and Horton hears a who comes out. I might just buy it for them and give it to them for christmas.

I am so glad the kids enjoy having family night. I know there will come a time when my kids are going to want to hang out with their friends instead of us so I am enjoying all the time I can get. We try to have family time at least once a week. It is something that I hope when my kids have their kids they will do the same.

I am getting so bored with my room I want to redecorate it. I want to go with a asian motif, you know like the bedding having asian writing bamboo sticks and I want to put up some bamboo shades . I wish I could also paint the walls but I would constantly be paintng because I like to change the decor of the bedroom often.

At least this time I want a nice colorful theme . I went through a dark stage where I wanted my room with dark colors like burgandy and black . I am so fickle sometimes.