Somedays when things aren’t  going right I think about the what if’s and what could have been. I try to think what my life would have been like if the choices I made were different. Would I have been more happy ?  DId I pick the right person to share my life with ? After all the thinking and soul searching after all is said and done I know I made the right choice and I am where I am supposed to be. I am also learning that even though the words I  love you aren’t said often it doesn’t mean the other person doesn’t. It is the little actions that are so often overlooked that show how much love their is. It is the late nite giggles and cuddles that display that love. It is the love and acceptance of each other, the support that we give each other that shows how much we love one another. So even though we might not say I love you as often as we should we still love one another

sometimes I feel like the Eyrykah Badu song “next lifetime”

now what am i supposed 2 do
when i want u in my world
but how can i want u 4 myself
when im already someones girl?
i guess ill see u next lifetime

wow just wow is all I can say …..

I have been feeling so much better. I Don’t know if my moods going up and down like that are a product of a chemical balance within me . My mother had chemical imbalances and had to take medication for them and one of my biggest fears is that I will need to take medication too.

My kids bring me so much joy and seeing them plaing soccer makes me smile all the time . It is just the times that I am alone that make me feel so sad. I know its okay to feel sad sometimes but I dont know if them coming in spurts like that is normal.

I have decided to eat healthier and walk or excersice at least 30 minutes. I have to start somewhere and if I am not happy with myself then I need to make a change for myself. I am going to try and find a support group so I can have at least some kind of moral support. 

I am also going to try to make some quiet time for myself each day and maybe right positive thoughts in a journal .

If only I could think and stay positve most or all of the time and not let sadness overwhelm me sometimes I think I would have more motivation and energy to accomplish the things I want . I give up or give in to quickly and that is not helping me. I need to stay focused if I want to change my weight I need to  start eating healthier. I need to find friends or a group that will keep me motivated and last but not least I need to let out all my feelings instead of bottling up everything till I blow up. I need to be more confident and outgoing on the web as much as I am in real life. What am I so afraid of ?

I went to the docter’s today for my pain medication and I feel sad and upset at myself for gaining more weight rather than losing it. I really need to cut back on the junk food and start walking more. I walked yesterday even though my body is still achey from going to Disneyland on saturday. I want to make a goal of losing five pounds. I know I can do it if I do it in small increments.