I was thinking  that even though I told myself that I was going to walk everyday I haven’t exactly kept my own word. I struggle everyday with my bad eating habits. I say that I am going to change but I dont. what is it going to take for me to once and for all stick to my guns? am I  waiting to hear I am diabetic or something worse? I  know that obesity runs in my family so why don’t I watch what I eat if not for me for my kids. I need to get in my think skull that being overweight is not good for my health ,that my asthma gets worse with my weight gain.The extra weight doesn’t help my back pain it makes it worse. I aways say tommorow i will do it but I never do I need to start today.

goodness I am so upset and I dont like feeling upset. I am sick and I hate feeling sick too. I just want a computer that noone has access too. Is that to much to ask . I cannot believe that my sis-inlaw messed up my desktop. I dont know how I am going to get back the files and the programs she deleted. I really wish I could own a apple macbook that noone but me could use. I know that sounds selfish but I should be allowed to be selfish with at least something dont you think. I mean I share everything with my kids and hubby and everyone else. I think I should own something that is mine and mine only.

I deal with my inner struggles everyday. I wonder if others feel like I do helpless at times, lonley at times. I wish I could be a bird and fly fly high up in the sky see the world. I am not held down but yet I feel caged sometimes. I feel misunderstood,  I feel confused. There are many things I want to do but I dont do nothing about it. I really need to just shut up and do it. Why am I so scared to do the things I want to do ? I can be quite bold at times and quite shy at others. I really need to just step up to the plate and do it.

what makes people want to give up and get a divorce? I think that since their is that option many of us don’t think twice and get divorced but sometimes I think people don’t even try to make the marriage work. I think that divorce is good when there is no solution and or their is abuse in the marriage but I think that just getting married and getting divorced like a month later is rediculous. Celebrities are known for their quick marriages and divorces but I dont think it’s right. What happend to marriage being sacred ? What happens to the children who’s parent’s are divorced or are getting divorced and have to go thru the battles that go on in a messy divorce? hmmm This last time I got married I decided I got married for life and hopefully it will be so.

is it wrong to wonder what has happened to certain people from your past? I am married and happily so ,but I can’t help but wonder what has happened to certain people. I would also like to get in touch with some of my high school friends and see what they are up too.

I want to travel to many different places.

I want to take on many hobbies

I want a digital SLR camera

I want a apple computer.

some are going to be easier to get some might not but hey it cost nothing to dream.

While food shopping today I ran into the sister of a friend.  iIt was weird because the day before I had just been thinking about my friend and wondering what had happend to her. Its weird yesterday on myspace I found the daughter of a friend and today i ran into lupe. It’s crazy how my past is coming back to me. I would really love to get back in touch with a few people , so hopefully the stars will align and somehow my path will cross with these certain people that I want to see again

I feel much better than that other day . I dont know why I felt so sad. Today two of my buttons on my keyboard are giving me problems. It’s like they are getting stuck or something. They work when they want to and stop working a little bit later. I am probably going to have to buy a new keyboard. I want a Apple Imac or Apple Ibook. I also want a digital SLR camera but that is going to have to go on my wishlist of things I want but  can’t buy for now. 

 The weather here has been hot and it hasn’t even reached the 100′s yet . I do not know what I am going to do when it gets really hot and the air conditioner isn’t working all that great. I wish I could run around damn near naked because even the little bit of clothes I have on makes me so hot.