I feel really down I dont know why. I feel like I want to cry but yet I am bottling it all inside. I am sitting here listenign to music to get my mind off of things, when my mind wonders who the heck knows what it might bring. So I will just sit here and think happy thoughts.

Sometimes I feel so lost. I dont really know how to explain it. I feel like an emptyness even though I have family that love me. IT comes and goes and sometimes I am overwelhmed by the feeling and other times it’s like I couldn’t be happier. I wonder if that is a chemical inbalance or depression or what. I have felt that ever since I was young so I dont quite possibly know what to make of it.

I am bored and tired and upset. I feel bored because I dont have anything fun to do. I feel tired because my body is run down and I don’t stop to take care of myself. I feel upset because no matter how much I clean the house is always messy and the girl’s room is always messy and it is never clean. I really wished I could have someone come and do a thourough cleaning from top to bottom and then I would be able to relax.

 The girls both lost their MP3 players. It frustrates me to no end that they don’t know how to take care of their stuff. They don’t care for the value of things. How does one teach their children to take care of things and value what they get ?

uuuggghhh I hate when things go wrong all at once.  My website Domesticvixen is down. My air conditioning isn’t working again. Instead of cooling the house down it is getting hotter. On top of that we are supposed to go visit family on Saturday but no one has bothered to return my phonecalls. I don’t know if the plans we had set months ago are still going. Jeez it days like this that I just want to lay my head down and forget about the world.

IF I had an Ipod I would put it on right about now and tune everybody out. Please please let everything resolve itself before my whole friday is ruined.

I fel really tired today. I spent 9 hours with my sis-in-law at the E.R. She was having chest tightness and since she has asthma it  was best for her to go and get checked out. It was such a busy night there. What boggled me is  that once we got a room which took about 6 hours they left us there for like 2 hours and I sat and watched how alot of the nurses entered info in the computer but didn’t really come and check on us  and who the heck knows where the docter was. There was a girl there who seemed in alot of pain and from what I could hear her paretns had came evryday fro like 5 days because their daughter was in alot of pain and would go into convulsions from the pain but they had sent her home with vicodin and told her to go see her regular practioner. I thought that they are supposed to take care of you before they send you home and if she had been  coming everyday with the same complaint why didn’t they admit her? I really hope they admitted her last night. I also hope htey gave her relief. She was and is in my thoughts and prayers.

Here are the two Coach Purses I bought the other day.
and this one

I also got this one about a month ago

I now have six Coach purses and two wristlets and one Coach cellphone charm . I can now call myself a Coach Purse addict. I am also a Dooney and Bourke addict but that will be a whole other post

p.s. This is the purse I am currently using

The weather is hot here and I am not feeling too good. I was watching movies but the heat was making my head hurt.  I have the air conditioning running but I dont think it is working too good.

Yesterday I got me two beautiful Coach purses. I think I need to stop buying purses for a while because I am getting too carried away with them and they can be costly but they would be even more costly if I hadn’t gotten then on sale.

I sometimes wish I had more willpower when it came to my losing weight. I always say I am tired of being overweight but I never do anything about it. I really need to get on the ball about it . How many times am I going to have to write about it till I do something about it.

I am feeling hot,annoyed,bothered, irritated all at the same time. I think I need to go take a nap at least sleeping makes everything feel better. I want to go to the movies but I haven’t had a chance to go. I hope to be able to go next week

How does one heal a broken heart ? what does one say to someone who is feeling loss, sorrow, anger , frustration. Many times I wish I could hug and offer my shoulder for them to cry on and I offer my undying understanding but that isn’t enough and I often stumble in my words or dont get my point across. It’s not that I lack emotion I am a very emotional person it’s that I sometimes dont know how to express them maybe?

I sometimes feel  annoyed with the world. Weird huh. I don’t know I just feel like I was mistreated on some level .

When I was in jr high I think that is when it started I moved cities and started a new school and I for the first time witnessed how cruel people can be. I was never a popular kid I always felt like a misfit.  I was always considered one of the nerdy kids because I wore glasses and liked to read . I never really had any good friends till I met my best friend L ( we are still best friends and I am married to her brother.) until I met her  I had noone to talk to or that understood me. I was a kid who was wise beyond her age and had to grow up sooner than I was supposed to.

I never want my children to go thru what I went thru growing up and even though I can’t shelter them from life, I am going to try my darnest to shelter them from the cruelty of the world. I am going to give them the tools that they need to survive and what path they choose to take is theirs but at least I will have taught them the basics to survive and teach them that it is  better to be beautiful in the inside and let it shine out than to be beautiful on the outside but have an ugly heart.